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Higgs Boson, slugs, zombies and mermaids: which of these is the more likely to exist?

I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. 

I do not think they will sing to me. 

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves 

Combing the white hair of the waves blown back 

When the wind blows the water white and black. 

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea 

By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown               

Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

T.S. Eliot  The Love-Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

Already July 2012 has witnessed giant strides in scientific research. First, we learned that physicists are 99.9 per cent certain they have discovered the Higgs Boson, the so-called God Particle. Then we found out that our saturated gardens will soon be vulnerable to a plague of Spanish slugs (the sinisterly named Arion Flagellus) which have gradually wiped out our less invasive British species (see: ). As if their football team achieving European domination was not enough, these voracious aliens seem intent on making this summer even more miserable for the English gardeners and farmers. 

The Sun did not mince its words. These monsters molluscs can grow to 4 inches in length, digest twice their own body weight every day, and produce hundreds more eggs than our British counterparts.  They are also proving a hazard to road users as cars and lorries are reported skidding on slicks left by squashed slugs. Worse, these Spanish cannibals feed on their own kind and gather on roadsides to eat dead comrades. 

But amid these heady scientific revelations one story caught my attention more than any other. Researchers have trespassed on a sacred taboo.  Despite a vast range of ancient and poetic, nay inspirational, testimony, scientists have declared that mermaids do not exist. 

cartoon of mermaid
Images and tales of mermaids – half-human, half-fish – appear in mythology and art from across the world and throughout history, from Homer's Odyssey to the oral lore of the Australian aboriginals. And try telling your young children that mermaids do not exist.  Yet the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has issued a statement explaining that 'no evidence of acquatic humanoids has ever been found', showing a disdain for beliefs that go back over 30,000 years. 

The NOAA boffins were responding to a television documentary on the American channel Animal Planet (Discovery's sister channel) called Mermaids: The Body Found which had the temerity to claim that there was a strong case for the existence of mermaids. The documentary was an X Files mix of computer-generated animation, historical fact, conspiracy theory and scientific speculation that so incensed the NOAA that they felt compelled to intervene.

NOAA's statement explained: "The belief in mermaids may have arisen at the very dawn of our species. Magical female figures first appear in cave paintings in the late Paleolithic (Stone Age) period some 30,000 years ago, when modern humans gained dominion over the land and, presumably, began to sail the seas." 

Discovery News countered by questioning the selectiveness of the NOAA response. On its own website it replied: "Why would NOAA bother to pour cold water on mermaids? After all, there are many mythical things that the government doesn’t explicitly deny exist. The United States Bureau of Mines doesn’t issue statements clarifying that no dragons or trolls have been discovered in underground caves or mines, for example." Discovery also pointed out that the NOAA, an agency charged with responding to natural hazards (look out guys the Spanish slug is heading across the Atlantic!), offered no conclusive proof to refute the existence of mermaids.

The NOAA statement followed closely on a similar announcement earlier this year from the US Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)  declaring there was no conclusive evidence for the existence of zombies. "CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead," a government spokesperson wrote in an email to The Huffington Post.

Scientists estimate that we only know about the existence of 5 per cent of the creatures in our seas and oceans. But for YouTube enthusiasts mermaids abound.

So, it is up to you, dear reader. Which really exists? Higgs Boson, slug eating slugs, zombies or mermaids?  You decide. 
Dick Skellington 9 July 2012

 

The views expressed in this post, as in all posts on Society Matters, are the views of the author, not The Open University.

 

Cartoon by Catherine Pain 

 

 

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TweetI have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.  I do not think they will sing to me.  I have seen them riding seaward on the waves  Combing the white hair of the waves blown back  When the wind blows the water white and black.  We have lingered in the chambers of the sea  By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown         ...

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Cartoon of Dick Skellington

About Society Matters

Provocative, relevant, current: for the last decade Society Matters magazine has been informing, engaging and annoying social sciences students in equal measure.  Now, its move online has given us the chance to bring its lively mix of analysis and opinion to a wider audience.

Society Matters online started in October 2010 and has, so far, covered a wide range of issues and topics ranging from inequality and the big society to arms sales and foreign policy. All can be seen by scrolling down from the top of the Society Matters front page.

We have also illustrated many of these posts with the work of our two illustrators (see below). Serious analyses have been interspersed with posts on a less weighty issues which show both human folly and innovation.

Society Matters continues to be edited by its original creator, Dick Skellington. Dick, pictured above, was previously a programme manager in the social sciences faculty, walks the talk through an active involvement in the affairs of his home town of Stony Stratford, Bucks, and finds light relief through writing poetry and the occasional stage appearance in local productions.

Since many years at the coalface of journalism have taught us all that sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words Dick is aided and abetted by resident illustrators, Gary Edwards and Catherine Pain – both former OU students.

Catherine has drawn and painted all her life, and when she is not pillorying public figures for Society Matters paints animal portraits, works in stained glass and produces alphabet teaching posters for children. Her work is in several galleries in and around her current home in Cambridgeshire and her publications include an illustrated cookbook sold on behalf of the National Trust, a colouring book for small children, Alphabet for Colouring, and The Lost Children, a story for older children. Her website is at catherinepain.co.uk

Gary has written two best-selling books about his travels all over the world watching Leeds United FC, Paint it White  and Leeds United - The Second Coat. His third title No Glossing Over  will be published by Mainstream in September 2011. He has not missed a Leeds game anywhere in the world since February 1968 and married his wife Lesley at Elland Road.

Specialising in wall murals, Gary also holds diplomas from the London Art College, The Morris College of Journalism, has a Diploma in Freelance Cartooning and Illustration and is a contributing cartoonist for Speakeasy, an English-speaking magazine in Paris. During the 1970's and 1980's he collected  hearses and is a long time member of the Official Flat Earth Society as well as the Clay Pigeon Preservation Society.

Please note: The opinions expressed in Society Matters posts are those of the individual authors, and do not represent the views of The Open University.