Carrie on being a student

On Friday 8 February I received some bad news. It wasn’t entirely unexpected but it nonetheless shook my world. Redundancy. Eight weeks’ notice of. The words rung in my ears for days like tinnitus. Gnawing away at my confidence and slowly grinding my mood down to an all-time low. I knew it was coming. The contract I had been working on was due to finish any time and there simply wasn’t any more work for me, but still, when the letter was handed to me I felt a fear far greater than any I’ve ever experienced in my life.

Friends and family tried to console me with polite yet unconvincing arguments insinuating that I’m ‘too clever NOT to get another job’ and that my newfound education would surely mean that any company I applied to would be silly to not take me on, but their arguments were frustratingly pointless to the ears of a girl facing the prospect of dole. I’ve worked solidly since I left school at seventeen and have given loyal service to only two companies. The first for seven years and the second for nine years so even the prospect of starting with a new company filled me with the fear of the unknown (or rather, the little experienced) however not as much fear as the thought of claiming jobseekers.

I frantically applied for positions – anything I was remotely capable of doing I applied for and after three weeks the application total was up to around fifty. Whoever said there are no jobs out there clearly hasn’t looked hard enough. The real problem, as I discovered, is the volume of competition in the job market. So much so that most companies seem unable to inform you that you’ve been unsuccessful in your application; a real bone of contention I must admit.

After four weeks of applications I got my first interview and less than twenty four hours later I got offered the job. Halleluiah. Praise Gaia someone is willing to give me a chance!

The interview had involved some competency tests and face-to-face elements with questions like ‘give me an example of a time when you...’ and this is where I think I clinched it. One of the questions was about managing deadlines and working out priorities so rather than draw on employment based examples I pulled the study game out of the bag. You see, the thing about us part time and/or mature students is that we have no choice but to manage our time well. It’s not something that comes naturally to everyone so it’s a skill we acquire over years of studying in whatever spare time we can muster and organising ourselves around that. During the interview I managed to draw on examples from paid employment, studying and volunteering. I actually felt quite proud of my answers, managing to respond quickly and with an appropriate and strong anecdote.

I started my new job on Monday 18th (hence the radio-silence on the blog, apologies folks) and I’m both pleased and relieved to say that it’s a good job with a good company doing something far more suited to me. The job is based around research and writing so it’s a perfect use of the skills I’ve developed through my studies. The subject area is around healthcare and myself and a few of the other analysts have already expressed an interest in learning more about dementia issues and dementia care and I know there’s a great OU module which would be ideal for us all – K235: Dementia Care fits the bill well so it may be put forward to HR as a suggestion at some point.

Since I accepted the job I’ve been invited to five other interviews for other positions, all of which I’ve turned down because either they’re too low-paid or the job is doing something I know I wouldn’t enjoy, but it’s really reassuring that I got more than one invite. That’s not to say I would get offered any of the other five, but knowing that you’ve been shortlisted is a real confidence-booster.

I’d been at my last job for just shy of nine years. I was stuck in a real rut and I knew it, I just didn’t do anything about it because it was easier to stay put. Getting my redundancy was just the push I needed to seek out something better and I firmly believe that my studies and volunteering with the OU helped me stand out in a sea of other applicants. With the benefit of hindsight and the safe knowledge of continuous employment, being made redundant was the best bad news I’ve ever had.

Dear Anonymous Student,

No, you don’t know me. You may have seen me or my face spewed somewhere on the internet but you don’t really know me, but I know you. I’ve followed your progress for a number of years now and wanted to let you know how inspiring you have been to me, albeit unknowingly.

You’ve achieved so much with so much left to do; I’m in utter awe of you for your mindset. I wish I could be more like that – driven, determined and capable but instead I have only stubbornness and jealousy to push me on. They have worked sufficiently well thus far however I fear my grace period may be coming to an end and if I want to succeed it will require a completely different kind of person to any I could ever possibly hope to be. This, my mystery friend, may be the end of my road.

People often say to me things like “I don’t know how you fit it all in!” referring to my work/studies/extra-curricular activities but in truth I’m just trying to be more like you. My impatience to catch up forces me to flood my life with more than I can realistically cope with but I’m so desperate to get to the end I’ve convinced myself I can manage. Is there an end? Am I chasing a myth? I wouldn’t expect you to respond to me and even if you did your words would probably provide little relief to my anguished state.

You seem so composed and able to cope with it all, is this truth? Behind closed doors do you battle with self-doubt and feelings of frustration like the rest of us? I have a pristine image in my head of you as untainted by the negativity that blights my own progress but the reality is no doubt different. I suspect this because I know it to be true of my own self - despite my weekly ramblings about struggling with motivation and my continual self-deprecation people focus on the positives and see that I am in fact making progress in spite of myself. How do they do that? How do they choose to ignore the negatives? Perhaps the same way I so admire you; I want need someone to ‘look up to’, someone to compare myself to so that when the doubt begins to set in I can refocus my efforts by looking to someone similar to me who CAN cope.

It’s funny though isn’t it, that you don’t know me. It occurs to me that I’m presenting myself in a somewhat stalker-like manner but let me assure you that’s not the case. My progress thrives on comparisons and emulation so please, consider it a compliment from me that I respect your ambition and intellect. I hope to one day be in a similar position and would be beyond thrilled if someone were following my progress and finding inspiration from my doings so take assurance that my admiration for you is just that.

The last two years of my life have been a cyclone of activity and they have seen an incredible shift in my attitude towards my remaining days on this mortal coil. I will be a long time working and I don’t relish the prospect of waking up full of resent every day until I retire. This proved to be my greatest epiphany and I owe thanks, in part, to you.

Your silent and unknowing support has been beneficial to me in ways you will never discover. You have helped me make sense of the myriad mental images floating around in my glue-filled head of the different versions of myself I have dared to imagine over countless unfulfilled years. I can now focus those thoughts into something resembling a coherent plan and although I still have a lot of emotional mess going on up there I’m beginning to cope with it all and can now see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

Thank you, mystery student. I am indebted to you.

Yours, with admiration,
Anonymous.

1. 
   “Don’t give up on your dreams because of the time it will take to achieve them, the time will pass anyway” Anon
   When I embarked on my first module way-back-when, I don’t suppose anyone who knew me even entertained the notion of me completing an entire degree. In some small way I don’t think I honestly thought I would either; I was very prone to fads and bouts of peer-jealousy and most of my ideas fizzled out in a matter of weeks. My first couple of modules flew by but then I lost focus and drifted away from study as other aspects of my life took centre stage. Then, somehow, despite everyone’s scepticism about my commitment I picked it up again and trudged my way to the finish line.
   My experience as an OU student has taught me the importance of committing yourself and maintaining faith in your own ability to finish. Disregarding the actual degree, I’m so immensely proud of myself for what I’ve achieved during my ‘career’ as an OU student.
    
2. “The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” Christopher Hitchens
   OU study afforded me the chance to study that one subject I had always dreamed of studying – philosophy. Level 3 philosophy takes learning to a place I hadn’t even dared to imagine and transports you to a world of critical thinking, intricate knowledge and is an almost continual process of repeated learning and questioning (almost ad nauseum). Critical thinking in that way has to be one of the most vital skills I’ve brought away from my studies because I apply it to my life every single day. I question everything and want to discover knowledge for myself rather than take anyone else’s word for it and I have a greater understanding of the world because of it.
    
3. “A good director creates an environment, which gives the actor the encouragement to fly.” Kevin Bacon
   On a rainy afternoon in the late spring of 2010 I emailed a link to my newly-started blog – charting my progress as a student striving for bigger and better things - to the editor of Platform. Almost three years later and I’m still rubbing my eyes in disbelief for what it’s led to. Receiving such praise and opportunity from Platform gave me a boost of confidence which was more than I could’ve ever imagined. I now have faith in my own writing abilities. I’m far from the most articulate and I’m no wordsmith but I like to think my writing is quite down-to-earth and unpretentious. I owe a debt to the Platform team for the confidence they have given to me, I truly do.
    
4. “In truth, people can generally make time for what they choose to do; it is not really the time but the will that is lacking.” Sir John Lubbock
   I’ve lost count of the number of times people have said to me “oh my god, how do you find the time to study AND work [etc.]?” Well, I don’t find the time to do things. The time exists anyway; I just choose to use it wisely. Studying with the OU forces you to use your time better and you quickly become aware of just how much time you’re able to waste without even realising it. Most people have far more free time than they’re aware of; it just gets wasted at an alarming rate. As an OU student, one of the greatest talents you develop is for making good use of pockets of otherwise vacant time and this spreads into other aspects of your life in a very beneficial way.
    
5. “You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” A.A. Milne
   From writing for Platform I have gone on to write for a few more websites and have learned that opportunities don’t fall into your lap as if by magic, but if you seek them out they can be beneficial in more ways than you realise. This doesn’t just go for expanding my writing repertoire, this goes for making friends too. Through the OU I have made some great friends, many of whom I rarely see but are the kind of friends I know will be in my life for a long time to come. I’ve got a terrible track-record for friendships but my OU friends appreciate the constraints that studying has on your time and don’t get all tetchy if they don’t hear from me for a few weeks at a time. As I type this I’m looking forward to spending the weekend with a fabulous OU friend which also involves a catch-up with another OU friend, and I’ve just text my bestest OU buddy just to let him know I miss him (love you loads Tim x). My OU friends are so incredibly valuable to me and they probably have no idea how much they’ve changed my life. I really ought to tell them.