I'm a nervous first-time student, get me out of here?

For brand-new OU student Michele, the wait to start her first course with the OU is an anxious, angst-filled one. Here she reveals her motivation to study, her many worries and why she withdrew from the same course before it had even started in 2010…

My name is Michele Jowett and I am about to embark on an exhilarating yet terrifying adventure: studying for an open degree with The Open University.

I have yearned for a degree qualification for a long time, especially as I had to withdraw from a modern languages degree in my early twenties due to ill health. Despite completing two years of study, I was too ill to continue and was forced to abandon my course. It is a decision I have lamented ever since and one that has saddled me with the pressing weight of failure.

Twenty years later, at 42, having survived and fought my illness, I am finally returning to higher education. Of course, the world of education has evolved considerably since the 1980s with the advancement of technology and, as a self-confessed technophobe, the prospect of learning in a virtual environment imbues me with mounting dread.

I will be studying intermediate Spanish, En Rumbo (L140) during my first year with the OU. This module cannot be counted towards my credit award for previous university study but I have taken the decision to study it for revision purposes and am reconciled to studying for five years instead of four to attain my degree.

In truth, it is the second time I have registered for this module – my escalating anxiety surrounding the computer component eventually defeated me and I submitted my withdrawal a few weeks before its commencement in 2010.

Doubts
I also doubted my ability to learn Spanish again, given that 20 years had elapsed since first studying it. Determined not to relinquish my dream, I decided to revise my Spanish throughout the ensuing year and to improve my computer skills so that I could register for the same module in 2011. I undertook a long-distance learning course in Teaching English as a Foreign Language, as this study programme advocated a gentler pace thereby boosting my confidence and improving my computer use .

Despite having the luxury of another year to prepare and revise, my confidence remains frighteningly low. With the arrival of materials in the post and information pertaining to the course populating my inbox, I feel horribly overwhelmed. I have come frighteningly close to withdrawing again.

One aspect that does stand me in good stead is that I have discussed my fears with a lovely, empathic lady from the OU’s Learner Support team in Bristol. I confided my fears regarding the computer aspect and trusted her enough to speak of more personal issues relating to my health, which could be exacerbated by the demands of studying. Her response was very helpful and insightful and I felt fully supported. Knowing that there is somebody who is aware of my anxieties and who I can talk to at any time is a hugely motivating force at this very vulnerable time. I am aware that this information has also been relayed to my tutor in the strictest confidence, which is also reassuring. To know that I am not travelling alone on this journey is tremendously comforting and is the most prevailing factor in keeping me motivated and strong. As someone who is reticent to ask for help, I realise the imperativeness of doing so and hope I can when occasions demand it.

My experience of the OU since registration has been exceptionally good. Staff have received my enquiries with enthusiasm, warmth, politeness and attentiveness. The whole process has been very efficient and professional. I have benefitted from perusing the OU website but, at times, felt overwhelmed by the comprehensiveness of the site. Given my lack of confidence in computing, I have spent many hours attempting to digest information regarding the requisite skills in this area and often felt overwhelmed by the sheer volume of instruction and information, resulting in moments of quiet despair and defeat. Instead of allaying my fears it served only to add to them and forced me to question my ability even closer. I am aware that there is a computing helpdesk but confess to worrying that I won’t be able to follow their instruction and am evading such humiliation. Fortunately, my children are all computer literate and have patiently guided me.

Anxious
I know that many people are exhilarated on receiving their course materials and are anxious to devour the contents. My fear impeded me from opening them until several weeks after their arrival. In procrastinating, I did not have to confront my fears. It felt as if the box contained not only my study materials but also my many anxieties and, by keeping the lid firmly shut, I did not have to confront them. Opening the box was not the ominous experience I had anticipated, though, and I enjoyed browsing the material.

Another source of anxiety emanated from receiving my tutorial schedule. Viewing it on StudentHome filled me with dread, especially given that the first face-to-face tutorial was only weeks away. Seeing the long list of tutorials awakened me to the reality of studying for my degree and I felt overwhelming and unabating panic. In the days leading up to the launch of the module website, I have felt a little overwhelmed by the sudden influx of information. The unannounced growing information on StudentHome, such as the cut off dates for the TMAs and the sudden emails populating my inbox, has taken me by surprise. I enjoyed reading the email from my tutor introducing herself but was surprised to learn at this premature stage that it was in Spanish. Immediately, I fretted that my reply should be in the language but was terrifed my tutor would deem it not proficient enough and I would be asked to leave the course! Since receiving it, I have been submerged under waves of undulating anxiety, repeatedly questioning my abiilty in the language and the computer as well as struggling with doubts that my fellow students will like me and wondering whether my tutor will be personable and patient!

And finally, as a single mother of three teenagers I am also anxious that I will not be able to juggle my daily responsibilities as a mother in conjunction with studying. I am also penning a book of utmost importance to me and fret that there will not be sufficient time to manage these demands every day.

As I am sure is now evident, my apprehension as I anticipate the start of my module is tremendous. However, I also wish to convey that superseding that terror is deep excitement as I contemplate the challenges of higher education again.

I wish all new students a successful start to their modules and an exhilarating, rewarding journey.

 

Useful links

• Course taster of En rumbo: intermediate Spanish (L140)
• StudentHome