Psychology - OU Community Online

In the first of three posts, Meg Barker examines how romance is explored in the movie Ruby Sparks.

Recently I got round to watching last year's movie Ruby Sparks on DVD. I'd been looking forward to watching this film for some time because it is a meditation on what would happen if we could create our perfect partner. The film was everything I'd hoped for. However, when I gushed about it on Facebook, several people said they had felt let down by the ending. Here I want to present my take on the film, and to explain why I think the ending needed to be the way it was.

In the film an isolated writer (Calvin Weir-Fields) has writer's block, having published one highly successful book when he was pretty young. His therapist encourages him to write a brief account of a positive encounter with another person. He invents a scenario where he meets his perfect girlfriend in the park. Soon he is writing more and more about her because he enjoys imagining her so much. He describes her to his therapist:

'Ruby's first crushes were Humphrey Bogart and John Lennon. She cried the day she found out they were already dead. Ruby got kicked out of high school for sleeping with her art teacher... or maybe her Spanish teacher. I haven't decided yet. Ruby can't drive. She doesn't own a computer. She hates her middle name, which is Tiffany. She always, always roots for the underdog. She's complicated. That's what I like best about her. Ruby's not so good at life sometimes. She forgets to open bills or cash checks and... Her last boyfriend was 49. The one before that was an alcoholic. She can feel a change coming. She's looking for it.'

Spoiler alert: Don't read on if you want to watch the movie without knowing what happens.

During the time that he is writing about Ruby, Calvin starts to find bits of women's clothing around his house and things in his bathroom cabinet that don't belong to him. Then one day he returns home to find that Ruby exists and is living with him. She believes that everything from their first encounter to her moving in with him has actually happened.

After initial confusion Calvin is delighted and throws himself into a real relationship with Ruby. The two enjoy a perfect honeymoon period captured in a movie montage of dancing, beaches and running around town. But things start to sour when Calvin introduces Ruby to his family whom she loves whilst he finds them problematic. He begins to become grumpy with the very things that he created Ruby to be.

Calvin's brother, Harry, has suggested that Calvin should continue writing about Ruby in order to make her into whatever he wants. However, even when she is getting on his nerves Calvin refuses to do this. Then Ruby begins to pull away for some independence: wanting to start a job, hanging out with her friends, and deciding to spend one night a week back at her own flat to give them some space. Calvin panics and returns to his typewriter. He writes that Ruby was sad whenever she wasn't with Calvin. Ruby then becomes needy and tearful, unable to be parted from Calvin for a moment. Calvin writes that Ruby was effervescently happy all of the time, in order to try to keep her with him but not so demanding. This also backfires because constant happiness is hard to take, and because it is clear that Ruby isn't choosing to be with Calvin at this point, so he writes her back to normal.

The couple return to bickering and fighting when Ruby doesn't do what Calvin wants her to do. There is also the sense that the constant changes have taken a toll on Ruby emotionally. At a party she is left alone and flirts with Calvin's agent. At this point Calvin explodes and tells her what she is, forcing her to do things by typing them out as she stands in front of him. Finally he stops and she runs to her room. He is struck by the horror of what he has become and leaves all of the pages that he has ever written about Ruby outside her room with a final line saying that Ruby is no longer bound by the past and that as she leaves the house she is set free.

The following morning Ruby has disappeared and Calvin is left alone to mourn. Eventually he pulls himself together and buys a computer instead of a typewriter. This was a relief to me because the main problem that I had with the film was understanding how somebody could write a perfect first draft into a typewriter! Calvin writes the story of his time with Ruby, anonymised, and it is a great success.

At the end of the film – which my Facebook friends found so problematic – Calvin bumps into Ruby in the park. She is reading his new book but clearly she has forgotten everything that happened due to being set free. They have some banter similar to the first time that they met and it seems that Calvin has been given a second chance at the relationship, but this time having learnt his lessons in love.

There are probably many different readings of this film, and perhaps the way in which you read it affects how you view the ending. Two readings particularly struck me: we could understand the film as an exploration of gender in relationships (and wider society), and/or we could understand it as an examination of how people relate to each other more broadly. We don't have to discard one reading in order to accept the other as both are possible through the same situations, and indeed the way we relate to each other is generally infused with gender. However, the latter reading perhaps invites a more sympathetic understanding of Calvin: and one in which we might be more likely to wish him the redemption he receives in the final scene.

To be continued...
Meg Barker 23 July 2013

Meg Barker is an Open University lecturer teaching mainly on counselling modules, and is also a therapist specialising in relationships. Find her other blogs here. 

The views expressed in this post, as in all posts on Society Matters, are the views of the author, not The Open University.

Cartoon by Catherine Pain

Shocked and delighted, Meg Barker explains why winning meant so much.

Following my last post I'm very pleased to report that last Friday, I was the proud recipient of the Erotic Award in the academic category. Even better that my co-nominees Sue Newsome and Brooke Magnanti both received awards in other categories: Sue for her important sex therapy work around disability, and Brooke for her recent book about sex work and sexuality, Sex Myths.

My award was the last one of the night to be announced so I was extremely nervous by the time they got to me. Despite regularly talking to large audiences, I found the thought of going up on stage absolutely terrifying. My main worry was that nobody would know why I was there: that they would see me as something of a fraud compared to all the performers, activists and practitioners who had preceded me and who are so well known in these worlds.

The audience mainly consisted of members of the kink and related communities who were also staying on for the rest of the Night of the Senses ball, including those in Outsiders (the sex and disability charity which the event was fundraising for. These are very important groups for me because so much of the academic work that I've done has been within such communities, and with the aim of increasing awareness of them beyond the stereotypes and myths that frequently circulate. I've always tried my hardest to make my work accountable to the people who are involved in it, and to the wider communities that they come from, but this seemed to be a real test of that. Would they see my writing as valuable? Would they even know who I was?

I needn't have worried because the announcement of my award received a wonderful round of applause. As I made my way to the stage my legs were shaking, and I have very little recollection of what I said other than of hugging the startled compere. So I'll use the opportunity of the rest of this post to say what I wanted say then about why this award meant so much more to me than almost any other that I could have received.

A decade ago when I started researching sexual communities, very few people in my discipline of psychology studied the kinds of groups that I was working with: the kink, bisexual and polyamorous communities. Those who did were generally seeking to conduct research which would explain why some strange people deviated from ordinary sexual behaviour: by engaging in practices other than genital sex; by falling outside the gay/straight binary; or by being in sexual relationships with more than one person.

I felt that the much more important, and less patronising, question to ask was what we could all learn from people in these communities who had – by necessity – examined issues of sexuality, gender and relationships closely and come up with many different ways of doing things. Inspired by the work of Alfred Kinsey and his colleagues, my assumption was always that there is a diversity of possible ways of being sexual and relating to others and that there would be real value in making people more aware of this. My work as a sex therapist has brought home just how much rigid ideas around sex and sexuality are responsible for all kinds of pain and suffering: from the teenage girl trying to figure out what to do sexually so as not to be labelled too tight or slutty; to the person who forces themselves to have sex for fear of losing their partner; to the people with disabilities who struggle to find any representations of themselves as sexual beings; to the many people who live in fear of their sexual desires (or lack of them) being exposed because they don't fit into what they've been told counts as 'normal'.

It hasn't always been easy working in this area. At the start many colleagues found it embarrassing and questioned the legitimacy of what I was doing. Being open about my own involvement in the communities I was studying – so that people could evaluate my work with knowledge of my potential biases – led to exposure and judgement that was very painful at times. But over the last few years it seems that more and more academics have been taking these areas seriously and asking the same kinds of questions as me, as you can see if you check out the papers in the journal I co-edit Psychology & Sexuality. Also colleagues in other areas have become much more interested and supportive. And public awareness has shifted such that media reports are far less likely to demonise or ridicule either the communities or the research.

Last year I published my book, Rewriting the Rules, which brings much of the work that I've been doing to a general audience. The response has been completely positive from academics and non-academics alike. I'm very grateful to my university – The Open University – who have been nothing but supportive, publishing The Bisexuality Report launching my book, and publicising my Erotic Award on their website.

This year Christina Richards and I are publishing a book on sexuality and gender for therapists and health practitioners. This will hopefully make professionals more aware of the needs of people across diverse sexualities and genders, whether 'normative' or 'non-normative'. I'm engaging again with kink communities to explore the sophisticated understandings of  consent that are developing there which may be helpful more broadly given the current climate regarding sexual abuse. Finally, I'm starting a project with Rosalind Gill and Laura Harvey analysing sex advice in self-help books, problem pages, and TV shows. I'm hopeful that this work can lead to the publication of some more positive sex advice which is inclusive of all of our sexual practices, identities and experiences.

I'm so grateful to all of the people and communities who have supported my work over the years and who have taken part in it for little direct reward. There is no way that I could have done all this without them, and that is why this award means the world to me.
Meg Barker 24 May 2013

The views expressed in this post, as in all posts on Society Matters, are the views of the author, not The Open University.

Cartoon by Catherine Pain 

 

 

An OU in Wales student who overcome exceptional hardship has won a national award for turning her life around through learning.  

Online learning proved a lifeline for Alison Williams, of Menai Bridge, who fled a life of domestic abuse with only £3 in her pocket, but is now well on the way to earning an Open University psychology degree. 

Alison, who has also successfully overcome a confidence-draining speech impediment, received the Learning in a Digital World award at this year’s NIACE Dysgu Cymru Inspire! award ceremony in Cardiff on 17 May.

“I am proud that I can be seen as a hopeful example for anyone who has been in my situation," she said. "Learning has changed my life into a positive journey and I’ve learned a lot through The Open University on how to look at my problems from a different angle.” 

Alison was nominated for her award by Gayle Hudson, OU in Wales Widening Access Manager (Mid and North Wales), who said: “Alison deserves all recognition for her learning achievements and is a true inspiration to others.

"She has had battles and many barriers in her life and her story is an example of how, with drive and determination, you can take control. Winning the award is a true testament to her strength and I am so proud of her.”

When she took to the stage to collect her award Alison said that she “could not have done it without Gayle’s support”. 

The awards are held to mark the start of Adult Learners’ Week, 18 to 26 May 2013. The Week is organised in Wales by the adult learning organisation NIACE Dysgu Cymru and supported by the Welsh Government and European Social Fund. 

The OU in Wales is running a series of events to coincide with Adult Learners’ Week as well as encouraging people to try out different OpenLearn courses throughout the week.

You can watch Alison’s inspiring video story from the awards ceremony here.

Pictured left to right:  Alison Willams, Gayle Hudson