Day 216, Year of #Mygration: Mum and Dad, I want to be normal

Today we share a blog post written by Dr Fidèle Mutwarasibo, Visiting Research Fellow in the OU's Centre for Voluntary Sector Leadership.  

Recently, over coffee, a colleague from The Open University and I engaged in a fascinating and in-depth discussion on immigration and integration. Two hours passed in an instant while we explored the need for a – currently seemingly elusive – rational discussion of the issues. During our conversation, my colleague reminded me of The Good Immigrant, a book edited by Nikesh Shukla. And, in turn, the experiences related by some of its contributors took me back to a conversation I overheard on a bus in a European capital. A family with two children were sitting behind me, and when the parents told one of the children – in Swahili – to behave themselves, the child replied that they did not want their parents to speak Swahili in public. Instead, they wanted them to speak in the standard language, i.e. the majority language, of the country. Indeed, they went further, saying that besides not liking to speak Swahili, they did not want their parents to pack ethnic food in their lunch boxes. The child claimed that this went against the grain of normality and explained that they did not want to make themselves the centre of attention by bringing exotic food to school. In other words, meeting the local standard of normality required the child to fit in. (Even though assimilation and being invisible is impossible in a society in which pupils come from visible minorities.) 

The Good Immigrant highlights the fact that that this child’s experience is far from unique. Although young children are generally open to diversity, and do not necessarily notice differences in the same way that adults do, as they grow, society morphs them. This situation, however, can be overcome through what social scientists call contact theory, which suggests that intergroup interaction helps in building relations with those outside one’s own community. In effect, interactions with people from outside one's comfort zone may, over time, give us all (including those from minorities) the opportunity to express our identities rather than to abandon them in pursuit of a supposed normality. 

When I engaged with the parents on the bus, a short chat revealed that their children attended a school dominated by pupils from majority-population backgrounds. In addition, school ‘banter’ (informed by prejudices towards children from minority communities) often went unchallenged by teachers and other stakeholders. When I asked whether the school had an equality and diversity policy, the parents thanked me and said that they would enquire as this had never crossed their minds. Since this encounter, I have often asked myself how I would have managed in a school in which I could not identify with my fellow pupils, the teachers or, indeed, the curriculum. What might I not have done to fit in? 

As an advocate for diversity, I often ask myself what we might do to ensure that children from migrant backgrounds can flourish without needing to leave their identities at home. After all, in today’s globalised world normality is complex. Our eating habits have evolved, other cultures have influenced our dress codes, our music preferences are eclectic, modern technologies allow us to be instantly in touch with people across the world and – by and large – we are better travelled than our ancestors. Unfortunately, what we consider normal has not changed with the same speed. 

When I shared my bus experience with a friend, she told me that her children had become distraught soon after starting school because they did not have straight hair. Their distress came out of the blue as far as she was concerned. Her children were born in the country concerned, had been to the local crèche and pre-school, and had never expressed feeling any different from their peers in the majority population until they started primary school. On investigation, it transpired that the issue had emerged when their peers began to comment on her children’s lack of straight hair. Unlike the parents on the bus, however, the experience prompted this set of parents to raise the issue at a parent-teacher meeting. As a result, thanks both to their ability to articulate the problem and to the school management offering a listening ear, they were able to get the issue under control.  

There are many benefits to parental involvement in children’s life at school and the Pathways to Parental Leadership initiative highlighted what can be done to encourage migrant parents' participation. Encouraging their involvement alongside that of their majority-community peers can help in embedding diversity in schools and in opening the minds of pupils to variety. In turn, over time this will expand the meaning of normality and enable migrant children to embrace their multiple identities without fear of standing out.  

The pressure to be "normal" is not limited to children. As adults, we need to be mindful of our environment to make sure all our colleagues feel included – both professionally and socially – and that they are afforded the opportunity to express their identities. By doing so, we set an example. After all, the young pupils referred to in this blog post didn't define normality. Their environment did. By interacting with others, including those who are different from us, we can help to expand the definition of normality. After all, in a pluralistic world, what we mean by normal is complex and dynamic. Children take cues from adults, so let's make sure we help future generations in promoting inclusivity. Those who lose their heritage in their youth often regret it in adulthood. Cultures can learn from each other. Competence in more than one language is essential in the 21st century and we should encourage all children to expand their skills. Likewise, the tastes of both minority and majority communities evolve and, today, no lunch box should be laughed at or ridiculed.