Kindness- and why it matters.

In this article Marina Postlethwaite Bowler ECYS staff tutor and AL explores kindness and its importance.

“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” Henry James.

Sometimes the worst day can be totally changed by a stranger’s smile. The “small, tiny moments” really matter the most. We should all try a little harder to live each day, remembering to spread a little kindness around to others, family, friends, or total strangers.

Unfortunately, this works both ways. It’s never a nice feeling if someone is rude or mean, however much we try to distance ourselves from such things, they always impact our day. When we feel open and spacious it’s easier to be kind to others, but when unsure, tired, frustrated we tend to move away from social contact and connection. So, how about spreading kindness through your day? Treating others as you yourself would like to be treated. If more people tried to live this way, the world would just be that little bit better.

“How do we change the world? One random act of kindness at a time” Morgan Freeman.

So how can we be kinder to ourselves and others?

It starts with us! –most of us would like to think we are kind to others, but can we be kind to another if we are not able to be kind to ourselves?
How often do we treat ourselves differently from how we would a friend/loved one?
Show compassion to yourself and others-research has shown a decrease in bullying, increased feelings of well-being and a rise in the practice of compassionate behaviour to all living beings.
Say kind things to yourself and others- You might think being kind is soft, it’s maybe even weak, but being kind doesn’t have to be soft, it can be fierce too.
Small acts of kindness can really affect not only our own mood, but other people’s mood as well- They don’t have to be massive things, maybe you share your snack with someone, help someone to lift something heavy or buy someone a coffee let a mum and her hungry impatient children skip to the front of the queue. The person receiving the kindness feels good, and you feel good too when that person thanks you or smiles back. You have a moment of connection,
We can show kindness in different ways Loving-kindness meditation (sometimes called “metta” meditation) is a great way to cultivate our propensity for kindness. It involves mentally sending goodwill, kindness, and warmth towards others by silently repeating kind words and thoughts in our mind.
Be there to listen to others when they need you to.
Read and research “kindness” For example “The Happy Newspaper” celebrates all that is good in the world: https://thehappynewspaper.com/?v=79cba1185463
Practise gratitude-people who practise gratitude and notice the things they are thankful for are happier and have a greater sense of wellbeing. Try and think of a few things in the morning or before you got to bed. You could tell someone in your household or write them down. Actively focus on the positives of your day.
Self-care-keeping healthy routines and rituals are an important way to look after yourself.
Practise mindfulness- a way of thinking – focusing on the here and now. You can mindfully do almost anything – eat a meal, brush your teeth, or choosing to go for a walk mindfully.
Taking a breath and distracting yourself-can give you a short break from negative thoughts and a chance to reduce anxiety.
Become your own coach or cheerleader will help you quiet your inner critic, try to have compassion for yourself like you would for anybody you care about.
Create community- build a social circle with people who have positive energy. Spending time with positive people encourages you to focus on the good as well.
Finding your passion-consider giving yourself time to do things that bring YOU joy.

The more we practice kindness and compassion, the easier and more natural it becomes, until that energy expands like the tide rising- it’s like a good habit. We feel willing to open the gift of kindness to other people, animals, plants, and our planet.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”. Maya Angelou”