Imposter syndrome, be gone!

As I reflect on the end of EdD Year 2 and embark on Year 3, I am reminded by those who know me to consider and celebrate how far I have come. That is not a place I feel comfortable visiting, much less sharing. I’m not sure why that is, but I have been advised it may be the familiar imposter syndrome sitting on my shoulder. That little voice that eats away at your confidence. That says, “You are not quite good enough…yet.”  I have become more mindful of the need as a fledgling researcher to quieten that voice if I am to step into the world of education research with my voice to be heard. So, here goes…my first blog about my research area.

I came into teaching after having children and a career outside of education. Previous life experience and through twenty years in education, I have become cognizant of the significant role trust plays in the success of teams. As a teacher, I  experienced the positives and negatives of leadership. As a leader, I have created the positives and negatives of leadership and dealt with the consequences. On reflection, through it all trust has been a prevailing dynamic, both given and received.

Research into trust as a factor in effective team building, leading to successful organisations, is very well documented in numerous domains. The role of trust in schools is represented in a wealth of research from numerous viewpoints including principals, teachers, parents, students and administrators. But in amongst all this knowledge, I have yet to find a way in which I, as a leader, could take stock of the trust relationships in my schools in a meaningful way. Yes, I could create a questionnaire and take some blunt data from it, but I actually wanted something more meaningful, context specific and useful. I began exploring the possibilities in my M.Ed. and have continued this journey of discovery into my EdD.

So, what am I doing? Exploring the role of trust in school improvement, as heard through the voices of teachers. Using a phenomenological study of a group of schools, I am exploring the nuances of teachers’ experiences of trust relationships with principals, and their views of its impact on school improvement. From their knowledge, I want to explore if it is possible to create a framework to support senior leadership in ascertaining the strength and weaknesses of trust relationships with teachers in their school. Thereby providing them with an informed benchmark to aid in strategically strengthening the trust relationships which are an essential contribution to successful school improvement.

It has not been an easy endeavour so far, but then what EdD is. Studying for a professional doctorate while working full-time alongside studying, is an epic test of endurance and tenacity! The wealth of material available to consider has seen me visit many interesting rabbit holes, several of which I hope to revisit in the future! The intangible nature of trust, and its personal experience by individuals (Van Maele et al.,2014; Walker et. al., 2011)  has been a challenge to conceptualise into a phenomenological study within education. But I’m getting there, sifting through the myriad of new knowledge I have and continue to acquire. Finding data collection tools which are reliable with a strong validity, either from within in education research or the wider world, has been an unexpectedly demanding exploration. Consequently I am evolving a distinct approach using repertory grids (Emerald Publishing, 2022) to gather subjective data. Thematic exploration of the data will begin my analysis and I am establishing how this might look in a phenomenological study.

The study is very much an evolving one, with many questions still unanswered. This is something I have had to learn to be patient with, as I have grappled to want to have ‘finished’ sections of my thesis. That need to tick chapters off as I go through the stages, when in reality, over a number of months, the skill lies in working with the whole developing document as new material is assimilated to support the study. It has finally dawned on me that there is a great deal of editing and re-editing of material, but in order to do that you have to have written something first. Sounds obvious I know! Therefore my resolution for year 3 is to write every day, no matter the size of the paragraph. I know this will be a challenge because I am much more an avid reader than a writer, but I need to find a greater balance between the two if I am to make sufficient progress towards constructing a complete thesis by the end of year 4. Perhaps then, finally that little voice will whisper, “Lynne, it is good enough, submit.” I’ll let you know.

 

References

Emerald Publishing, 2022, website address, www.emeraldgrouppublishing.com/how-to/observation/use-a-repertory-grid

Van Maele, D. van, Forsyth, P.B., Van Houtte, M. (2014) Trust and school life: the role of trust for learning, teaching. Leading and bridging. Dordrecht: Springer Verlag

Walker, K., Kutsyuruba, B., Noonan, B. (2011) ‘The fragility of trust in the world of school principals’, Journal of Educational Administration, 49(5), pp.471-494.

 

Bio:

Lynne is a 3^rd year part-time EdD Researcher, working around the day job as Executive Principal of a Primary standalone academy trust with 420 pupils. Having completed her Primary PGCE with the OU, she went on 18 years later to complete her M.Ed in Leadership & Management also with the OU. Her research area of interest is around the trust relationship between teachers and leaders and its role in school improvement